Writing sexual assault? Be kind to yourself and your readers.

Considerations for Fiction Writers – A Blog Series

Stories about sexual violence can spread awareness and draw attention to systems that perpetuate it. But, when writing sexual violence, we must remember to take care of ourselves and our readers.

Someone said to me once that no one should write stories of sexual violence unless they’ve been through it themselves, but such a parameter is problematic. When someone has a traumatic experience, sometimes it takes years for them to be able to processes it and get to the point where they can talk about what happened. Sometimes, it’s not until they’re in a safe place before they can begin even thinking about it. So no one should be forced to disclose their traumatic experiences in order to get approval to write on sexual violence.

Another issue is everyone’s traumatic experiences are different. There’s no correct or incorrect way of being traumatized and no correct or incorrect way of healing after trauma. So it’s erroneous to make criticisms such as, After my sexual assault I couldn’t get out of bed, but your character is going about their business, acting normal. Both can happen, so no matter where you’re coming from, research is essential.

Note, if you have experienced a trauma and you’re writing about a similar experience, it’s important to pay attention to your body and how it’s affecting you. If you have to take breaks, or if you decide you can’t write the story anymore, that’s okay. The most important thing is to take care of yourself.

Even if your reader hasn’t experienced sexual violence, they might still find stories of sexual assault difficult. Does that mean we shouldn’t write about sexual violence? No, narratives about sexual violence can spread awareness and draw attention to systems that perpetuate it. Plus, sexual violence is so common, it’s realistic that it might happen to some characters. Not to mention, stories of trauma, healing and sometimes revenge or forgiveness, can be satisfying for a reader.

But it’s important to recognize the harmful rape narratives in Western media that have been repeated over and over. Take the time to learn about rape culture and the myths surrounding rape. Research what counts as sexual assault so you don’t unintentionally craft sexual assault. A victim-character doesn’t need to explicitly say No in order to for it to be considered sexual assault. It’s a good idea to research the psychology of rapists. Sexual assault can be more about power or toxic masculinity, rather than a loss of sexual self-control. Victim’s might not look like the stereotype. Men experience sexual assault, and victims can be any age and any size. Also, people can be groomed and conditioned to protect their abusers.

I’m interested in systems of power and how they can lead to sexual exploitation, so naturally, sexual assault occurs in my novels. Several years ago, I crafted a sexual assault scene in an early part of a dystopian novel and tested it on my husband. He told me the scene was too upsetting and it made him want to abandon the book. He said the sexual assault came out of nowhere. After the protagonist was raped, they were immediately caught up in an unrelated action scene, which meant the reader didn’t get a chance to process and recover. So I’ve learned that it’s important to build-up to a sexual assault scene with escalating tension and foreshadowing. I needed to find a way to comfort the reader, so I crafted the victim-character processing the trauma.

I wondered if it was necessary to describe the sexual assault in detail. Depicting a realistic rape story can create awareness. Details can make a fictional sexual assault feel real to a reader. But otherwise a descriptive rape scene simply objectifies the victim-character. I decided, in my novel, there was very little gained from describing the sexual assault. I saw more value in focussing on my protagonist’s psychological and emotional journey. And it turned out to be a great way to comfort the reader and help them recover from the disturbing content. When you’re writing about sexual violence, it’s important to recognize the emotional and psychological roller-coaster you're putting your reader on. Remember to take care of your reader.

A good example of a realistic portrayal of sexual assault, is in the TV series Grand Army (1.)(2.). (If you don’t want it spoiled, skip this paragraph). In a taxi, a teenage girl named Joey, is assaulted by her two friends while one friend watches. It’s more common for people to be sexually assaulted by someone they know rather than a stranger. A conversation among her male friends gives us insight into their view of Joey and why they might think it’s okay to assault her. They essentially believe that a true man would simply force themselves on a girl like her. When Joey is being assaulted, she freezes rather than fights, which is a common reaction to danger – a reaction some people erroneously criticize. Afterwords, we see Joey traumatized and struggling, and bringing it to police. Joey’s sexual assault case is dropped, which is also realistic. Most cases of sexual assault don’t make it to trial. Then we see Joey recover and heal, which is a positive reality I believe is important to include.

Sexual assault is not always written to disturb a reader. Some romance novels include sexual assault because rape fantasies can be arousing. People don’t enjoy rape fantasy because they want to sexually assault someone, or be a victim of sexual assault. The purpose of such narratives is so the protagonist can maintain their innocence while getting their desires fulfilled.

But in rape fantasy romance, the protagonist usually falls in love with the person who sexually assaults them. This communicates to readers that ignoring consent is harmless or even romantic. But in real life, if a partner ignores consent, it can be scary and traumatic. So if you want to write a romantic or erotic rape fantasy, it’s important to make sure readers understand that your narrative intentionally does not resemble reality. This could be informed subtly in the narrative, in the story description, on the cover image or simply by the genre. But I believe the best way to avoid spreading misinformation is to explain it directly in a content warning. Then authors can go to town writing rape fantasies without needing to worry about promoting false beliefs about sexual assault.

Some situations are technically not sexual assault, but might call to question whether a character is able to freely consent. If the protagonist is much younger than the love interest, the love interest has more power. They’ll have more life experience. They will be further in their careers and they’ll have stability. The protagonist will be more insecure and vulnerable, and they’ll trust the love interest’s wisdom. It would be easy for the older character to control and manipulate the younger character. The protagonist might not know how to say no, or how to advocate for themself.

In cases where the love interest is in a position of authority, the love interest has the power to negatively impact the protagonist’s life. They can be a teacher, a king, a mentor, a boss, or an older relative. The protagonist must maintain a good relationship them, so they might feel pressure to agree to a sexual relationship. Then there’s protagonists who are dependent on their love interests to survive. Even an ordinary homemaker who has no marketable skills, no money and no one to turn to, won’t be able to leave their spouse. They will be required to keep their spouse happy to survive and that might mean agreeing to have a sexual relationship. In all these situations, the character with less power can be easily controlled by the powerful character.

Authors choose to write power difference romances because it creates conflict as well as arouses the reader, such as in BDSM romances. Such narratives might make me uncomfortable, but they’re common in fiction and I don’t believe in declaring a blanket ban. But I do think it’s prudent for us authors to avoid portraying unhealthy relationships as normal. We must be aware of the problematic aspects of power difference romances and find ways to acknowledge such realities in our fiction. Most importantly, we should be conscious of our choices and why we’re making them. Be careful not to craft icky situations accidentally. Every narrative decision we make should be intentional.

Folks, don’t forget to be kind to yourself and your readers. It’s essential to be researched and aware. But most of all, we must be conscientious and deliberate in how we craft sexual violence.